the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
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