I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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