Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
