It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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