i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
