I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
