Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
