She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Who died my cat blue again?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
