She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
