Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
