Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
