I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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