I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
