Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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