worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
