You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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