Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Everything about him screamed your future.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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