My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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