so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
They took my balls.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
