do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
