I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
