Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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