i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
