she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
