i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I need help removing her.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
