I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
