I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize