so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
