Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
And then he peed in my hair
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