That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
