If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
My cat gives me a boner
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
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