I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
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He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
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My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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