Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
The Olympian is in my bed
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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