Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Randomize
