i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize