I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I came so hard my ears popped.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
