I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Randomize
