Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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