I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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