dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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