just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Randomize
