Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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