I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
