3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
