I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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