You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
