How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
