So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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