"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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