I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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