I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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