Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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