$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
