Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
