His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
