There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
