you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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